Tuesday, September 1, 2009

You know as I sit here thinking and dreading about having to adjust my meds I am trying to imagine what it would have been like to go through this hell during high school. I mean high school was bad enough just being bipolar and adhd. Add in my home life and it was really difficult at times to say the least. But I think of how difficult it has been to go through this process of going on and off meds trying to find what works and throwing high school on top.

My hat is off to all of you who had to do that! Granted I wish I was diagnosed earlier than at the age of 33 but I can't imagine doing this as a teenager. It is rough enough as an adult with a somewhat settled existence. The basic routine of work, dinner, sleep has probably helped keep me somewhat sane through all of it. Well, as sane as one can be. I am afraid that one or two of my meds will have to increase on my next visit to the doc. I mean it is a change which will inevitably help somewhere down the road. Or so I tell myself as a motivation tool to keep taking them. But the short term "roller coaster" as I like to call it is never good. Plus I am sure everyone knows that when things are rough the doc's basic canned response of "Give it another week" only makes you want to cry. You ever see a 6 foot, 275 lb, built like a linebacker, bipolar II guy break down in tears? My wife calls it a little unnerving. I think she is being nice.


  1. I've wondered the same thing about high school. I was so highly functional in high school and then around age 19 I just started unravelling. I consider that girl voted most likely to become president another person.

    Now I'm just thankful I don't have to work so I can deal with my rollercoasters in private. You can tell your wife my also husband gets "unnerved" occasionally. He picks me up, puts me in bed, gives me take some Klonopin and Benadryl until I go to sleep.

    It's so ironic to me, the only drugs available have such horrible side effects that can take months to go away and pdocs just expect us (mentally ill) to handle it rationally? HELLO!?! I have serious impulse issues.

  2. I've often wondered how kids in high school and university manage to deal with all their work while juggling meds and moods. I don't think I could have done it. I can barely cope with work and life in general while on all my meds.

  3. Sounds the same except my wifey can't carry me to bed!

  4. AD, as I've mentioned, numb. Being drugged out and feeling as little as possible is how I graduated college with only one hospitalization.

    Chin, can I call you Chin? Sometimes he just brings them to me and lets me lay in the floor. Apparently, it depends on how cooperative my panic attack is feeling.

  5. Feel free to call me "Chin". I kinda like the sound of it.


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