Swinging more than Tarzan

Well it has been a few days since my last post. I have been very much busy trying to deal with life and my mental imbalances. I have been mood swinging a lot lately. A lot! Five or seven times a day minimal. But things are calming down mentally now and life is getting easier for it. Nothing much has changed in my life. I have been putting on a rosier face for the wifey and her mood has definitely lightened. She is much happier now thinking I am doing well (see last post). Truth is things really could be worse. In my swings I have been getting very manic and have been finishing things around the house like a madman (no pun intended). Then the downswing and I crash hard. At these times I have been just sitting at the computer surfing around aimlessly. It is very mind numbing and helps pass the hour or so until I switch again. Then I am off. If anyone was watching me closely they would probably mistake me for a meth fiend. Nights have been rough but what are you gonna do?

Switching meds

So I was just reading another blog (which you can see under my blog follower) and this girl was talking about her meds and how the insurance company switched her to a generic. Nothing is worse than having to switch a med. I spent a lot of time trying out different meds before I go the cocktail I have now. Holy crap that sucked. Manic then depressed, high then low, sometimes so friggin quick that my head was spinning. Trying to wait it out past the initial phase that the doc told me might be rough nearly put me over the edge. I almost had a third attempt at one point it was so bad. Well if you have been there you know what I am talking about. If not then you have no idea, try to and I gaurantee you are not even close. For the girl who got switched....good luck, kid. I am rooting for ya.

Bipolar and ADHD

So I have hinted at it and now is a good time to talk about it I guess. I am bipolar and adhd. I never use to really believe in these things. I grew up in a time where it was a common band aid to say someone was bipolar or adhd like it was a cure all for being "f"ed up. My whole life was crap and I figured that was just how it was. Eventually I got married and after a while hit a very bad cycle of depression. After nearly a year my wife finally convinced me to try and get help. The therapist I saw tested me on several things and said I was right off the chart for bp and adhd. Said she couldn't understand how I got this far without being diagnosed and helped. I figured she was full of it and told her so. She then sat down and spent the next ten minutes describing my life. And I mean she hit every little point. Read me like a book!

I then believed her enough to try some of the meds she wanted to give me. Well that was a roller coaster ride from hell. I found myself hoping beyond anything that there was a miracle drug out there that could fix me. About a year later I finally got on a cocktail of drugs that has helped me out. A bit. No "wonder cure" or "miracle drug". But they make a difference.

Mental disorder runs in the family (every other generation or so) yet no one thought to have me checked out. I suppose if I had lived in a nice home where things were not so bad it may have been more easy to spot. But in my home, where no one gave a damn about anyone but themselves, it didn't happen. As for myself, life sucked right from day one. I figured that was life. My own mood swings or dark thoughts were nothing that seemed out of the ordinary to me. And forget trying to tell someone about how you feel like shit or that you can't stop thinking about death. Who gives a shit?