in-laws

So my wife informs me today that we are having dinner at my mother-in-laws home tomorrow. With all the other in-laws and their spouses. Woohooo. (Shoot me now!) I might just have to double up on my meds just to make it through.

Let me tell ya about my in-laws. First there is the mother who talks and acts like an 18 year old valley girl. "Whaaat? No way! Like, really? Oh my gosh!" She doesn't say these separately mind you. That is one complete sentence. Sometimes I want to smack her and remind her she is 58.

Then there is the baby sister. She doesn't simply love drama. She doesn't simply thrive on it. She has to try and create it everywhere she goes. All...Day...Long! Everything is so horrible, so terrible, poor her, poor her! And she is supposed to be the healthy one folks. Supposedly no afflictions at all as she loves to point out. Unlike me. Sometimes I want to smack her and tell her to get therapy!

Then we have the brother. A bigger piece of shit I rarely get to meet. He uses his family for his own purpose. Borrows money from his broke mother who works overtime because he does not want to get off of unemployment and get a job. Gets a job in sales, hits up everyone in the family first to help his own sales, then brags about what a great salesman he is. "I can sell ice to an eskimo." My wife and I scrape the bank account to give her mother some cash when she gets two weeks of furlough. He brags about how he lost 2 million of the 6 million he had when the stock market dropped. 2 hundred dollars out of 6 hundred, maybe!

All together they need a team of therapists, working on nothing but them, around the clock. One time the sister had the nerve to call my wife at work and tell her the family thought our marriage was a mistake. In the middle of the day she calls my wife at work to say this. Needless to say my wife was so upset that she had to leave early. I come home to my wifey bawling at the kitchen table. Sobbing about how her family thinks we rushed things and we are not a good match and they all thought it was a mistake but no one would say anything before the wedding. This coming from a mother who had announced she was engaged, two seperate times, to two different men, after just a matter of a couple months of dating. One of them was after this whole debacle. And get this, not only had she been seeing him for only one month. No one in the family had even known she was dating! By the way, no wedding yet. The sister had been dating her husband, who is about 24 years older than her, while he was still married! Now we had been dating for 3 years and had shared an apartment for 2 of them yet we were the ones rushing things. The brother, who was involved in all this, later states that he had nothing to do with it and then talks about how he is above this and everyone else. "Because he would say something to a person's face if he had a problem with them." And then he goes on to badmouth me to my wife whenever I am not around, never saying word one to me. Now I am not a violent person, I am actually a pacifist, yet sometimes my good nature has it's end.

The spouses are not much better.

So now tomorrow I have to sit in a cramped apartment with my wife and 5 people I can not stand for 4 hours or so. This will be painful. This will last an eternity. Satan and hell have nothing on tomorrow night.